Did you come from a large family? Was Christmas morning just W-I-L-D??
I grew up in a family of 7 siblings. Christmas morning was usually pretty chaotic. As far back as I can remember, my oldest brother Bob was given the duty of dispensing the gifts from under the tree. As each of us got gifts, the wrapping would be shredded, boxes opened and glee - times 9 (usually). As a child of that, at the time, I thought it was normal and even a bit fun. It took a week to pick up all the paper and boxes. Oh, but what a bonfire!
As I aged and received my religious training, I began to wonder about the teachings of the season - of gift giving and such. I also recognized what I believe to be a gift of awareness. I began to ask a lot of questions. A lot of them were "why" questions.
Why just one day a year? Why just one season? Then even deeper questions "Why are people that usually don't like each other being nice to each other?" You know, questions like that - questions that kids like to ask. "Why, Mommy, Why?" I never got a lot of answers to those questions. Mom couldn't be bothered.
My mother did teach us (more like remind us) that "we had everything we needed to survive". There was no disputing that. Being from a relatively low-to-middle income family was a good description. In a family that large, I witnessed it...it is an expense task and exhausting job. I wouldn't wish the job of being the Mom of 7 in school concurrently on anyone! Someone is always in a diaper!
Mom's job was difficult enough. We didn't need to introduce emotional needs into the equation. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset Mom...just ask Dad. :-) In fact, I can't count the number of times my father said to me "Whatever you do, come to ME first. I will deal with your Mother." I still laugh about this today. Dad, ever the pragmatist, was all about saving our behinds as much as his own. It just wasn't going to happen in that home that I would approach my mother and say anything like "Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I feel like should have been a girl?" ]That topic would not see any light until well into adulthood.]
As an adult, I think I know was missing from my life. I didn't feel special. My Godmother told me that all children need to be shown they are special. My Godmother made me feel special. I usually saw her only once or twice a year.
If I had one "re-do" from childhood, it would be this: Mom, say something nice. Make me feel special - even if it is just for a moment. A kind word, a pat on the head, a hug, a word of appreciation for being a good child is all any of us really needed at the time. I know my self-esteem would have greatly benefited from it.
This time of the year has historically been very difficult for me personally - from as far back as I can remember. I didn't get it. Why was someone giving me gifts? Who was this Santa? And when I finally learned the truth, I was a bit sad but then it kind of all made sense...after all, Dad stocked the fireplace pretty good every night...if that's the way Santa was coming in, he'll burn his ass. Those embers aren't out in the morning when we got up. :-)
Growing up in a large family as a middle-middle child, it was indeed easy to get lost or be lost and not be noticed. But hey, if you were crafty enough, and Mom or Dad weren't really paying close attention, you could get away with some pretty good stuff as a teen. I managed to pull off a party of 125 people and make it look like nothing ever happened. Just sayin'...(it was fun)...
So know what I grew up with and what I felt, I was determined not to allow that which I experienced as a youth to be repeated when my turn to the plate came to be a parent. It is something that I work at every day to make sure I don't miss events in their lives and that I spend time with them - in all sorts of ways. For me, this means spending time with them. It means teaching them, playing with them and loving them. Sometimes, it means just being there and listening. Whichever. It gives me a chance to get out of myself. It gives me a chance to give back...which is far better than receiving". Plus it can be a lot of fun.
I do miss some things, events, etc. because of my travel. It comes with the territory. But I do bend in all sorts of directions to be with my family and kids as much as I can. For my elder daughters, I traveled an awful lot internationally and didn't get the time with you as I would have loved.
From 2 marriages, I have three children - with a 28 year old daughter, my daughter Elizabeth, who should have been 26 - she passed away in 2002 when she was 2, and an 11 year old son.
Every Christmas Eve, before going to bed, I light a candle for Elizabeth (the girl that called me "Mommy" with a Boston accent - ya know, some kids just know...).
I don't know how or why, but that little candle is still going when I get up. It reminds me of how much she loved me and I loved her and that the light is still on...and how this season is about the children...and how I wish she could have experienced many more.
Christmas Day will be of good cheer! For those among us, there will be fun, food and laughter. Amidst the laughter, I will always look to the angel to find my little girl.
Christmas is indeed for children. For us adults that choose to look at it this way, children are a gift to us. I hope to continue to cherish the gift given to me.
Dani
I grew up in a family of 7 siblings. Christmas morning was usually pretty chaotic. As far back as I can remember, my oldest brother Bob was given the duty of dispensing the gifts from under the tree. As each of us got gifts, the wrapping would be shredded, boxes opened and glee - times 9 (usually). As a child of that, at the time, I thought it was normal and even a bit fun. It took a week to pick up all the paper and boxes. Oh, but what a bonfire!
As I aged and received my religious training, I began to wonder about the teachings of the season - of gift giving and such. I also recognized what I believe to be a gift of awareness. I began to ask a lot of questions. A lot of them were "why" questions.
Why just one day a year? Why just one season? Then even deeper questions "Why are people that usually don't like each other being nice to each other?" You know, questions like that - questions that kids like to ask. "Why, Mommy, Why?" I never got a lot of answers to those questions. Mom couldn't be bothered.
My mother did teach us (more like remind us) that "we had everything we needed to survive". There was no disputing that. Being from a relatively low-to-middle income family was a good description. In a family that large, I witnessed it...it is an expense task and exhausting job. I wouldn't wish the job of being the Mom of 7 in school concurrently on anyone! Someone is always in a diaper!
Mom's job was difficult enough. We didn't need to introduce emotional needs into the equation. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset Mom...just ask Dad. :-) In fact, I can't count the number of times my father said to me "Whatever you do, come to ME first. I will deal with your Mother." I still laugh about this today. Dad, ever the pragmatist, was all about saving our behinds as much as his own. It just wasn't going to happen in that home that I would approach my mother and say anything like "Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I feel like should have been a girl?" ]That topic would not see any light until well into adulthood.]
As an adult, I think I know was missing from my life. I didn't feel special. My Godmother told me that all children need to be shown they are special. My Godmother made me feel special. I usually saw her only once or twice a year.
If I had one "re-do" from childhood, it would be this: Mom, say something nice. Make me feel special - even if it is just for a moment. A kind word, a pat on the head, a hug, a word of appreciation for being a good child is all any of us really needed at the time. I know my self-esteem would have greatly benefited from it.
This time of the year has historically been very difficult for me personally - from as far back as I can remember. I didn't get it. Why was someone giving me gifts? Who was this Santa? And when I finally learned the truth, I was a bit sad but then it kind of all made sense...after all, Dad stocked the fireplace pretty good every night...if that's the way Santa was coming in, he'll burn his ass. Those embers aren't out in the morning when we got up. :-)
Growing up in a large family as a middle-middle child, it was indeed easy to get lost or be lost and not be noticed. But hey, if you were crafty enough, and Mom or Dad weren't really paying close attention, you could get away with some pretty good stuff as a teen. I managed to pull off a party of 125 people and make it look like nothing ever happened. Just sayin'...(it was fun)...
So know what I grew up with and what I felt, I was determined not to allow that which I experienced as a youth to be repeated when my turn to the plate came to be a parent. It is something that I work at every day to make sure I don't miss events in their lives and that I spend time with them - in all sorts of ways. For me, this means spending time with them. It means teaching them, playing with them and loving them. Sometimes, it means just being there and listening. Whichever. It gives me a chance to get out of myself. It gives me a chance to give back...which is far better than receiving". Plus it can be a lot of fun.
I do miss some things, events, etc. because of my travel. It comes with the territory. But I do bend in all sorts of directions to be with my family and kids as much as I can. For my elder daughters, I traveled an awful lot internationally and didn't get the time with you as I would have loved.
From 2 marriages, I have three children - with a 28 year old daughter, my daughter Elizabeth, who should have been 26 - she passed away in 2002 when she was 2, and an 11 year old son.
Every Christmas Eve, before going to bed, I light a candle for Elizabeth (the girl that called me "Mommy" with a Boston accent - ya know, some kids just know...).
I don't know how or why, but that little candle is still going when I get up. It reminds me of how much she loved me and I loved her and that the light is still on...and how this season is about the children...and how I wish she could have experienced many more.
Christmas Day will be of good cheer! For those among us, there will be fun, food and laughter. Amidst the laughter, I will always look to the angel to find my little girl.
Christmas is indeed for children. For us adults that choose to look at it this way, children are a gift to us. I hope to continue to cherish the gift given to me.
Dani
